Something Different

Whatcha Doin'?

Since I'm not yet internet famous, I think most of you are aware that I am no longer in Korea. After my contract finished in late July, I headed back to the States for a brief respite, then promptly left again. August was a great time to be home in Oregon, and I was also lucky enough to visit Salt Lake, Alabama, and Washington DC (for an afternoon).

What's taken me away again is an English teaching job in the Republic of Georgia, a small country east of the Black Sea, between Turkey and Russia. It calls itself a crossroads of cultures, where east meets west, but let's consider it an Eastern European country with a closer proximity to Asia than the rest of Europe. I'll share more about the country in a later post, but for now I'll stay on topic.

We're working with a program through the Georgian government called Teach & Learn with Georgia – TLG. It recruits fluent English speakers from around the world, then flies them to Georgia to teach. We are provided with a homestay and given a monthly stipend for expenses. It's not enough to make payments on my student loans, but here it's a very generous salary. Teachers can stay for as little as 2.5 months, or much longer. We've chosen to sign one semester contracts, which we started September 15th(ish) and will end December 23^rd of this year.

Some of the great things about this program is that you don't have to be a native English speaker, just fluent. That opens up the program for people from countries besides the big eight (England, Ireland, Scotland, South Africa, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, USA). It also doesn't require a four year degree. It's recommended, but your university transcripts can be evaluated to see if you're qualified. Another big draw is that you don't have to sign a one-year contract. These last two things make it ideal for those interested in teaching English, but aren't ready to commit to getting an ESL degree or spending a year in a foreign country. Or for those looking to take a semester off from school.

Teaching is a little different from what I'm used to. It's a coteacher model, but with both teachers in the classroom. I really don't know what I'm doing. Most times I feel like a speak and say, just parroting what the Georgian teacher has already said. My coteacher is competent in English, and does a fine job teaching on her own, so she doesn't really need me. But the kids are cute, so no bother. I teach grades 1-6. Grades 1-5 are level one and still learning the alphabet. Grade 6 is level two, which means they can learn real things, if only they'd behave. Because most classes are just starting to learn English, there's not much lesson planning, and my Georgian coteacher does most of it in her head.

I teach just six classes, 2-3 times each per week. Sixteen classes total. And they're only 45 minutes each. Let me repeat that for emphasis: I only teach sixteen 45 minute classes a week. That's twelve hours. Twelve. I go in most days at 9am and finish by 11.30 am. Wednesday's a killer though – I don't finish until 1.15pm. However, since I have all this free time, I also have twice weekly English lessons for teachers and staff members at my school.

So for those who were curious, that's what I'm up to.

Love Hotels

One of the benefits of living in a small country is that we can easily travel anywhere we want for the weekend. Using the KTX, Korea's version of a bullet train, I am 60 minutes from Seoul and 90 minutes from Busan, my new favorite place in Korea. Having the freedom to travel means I've seen a fair number of hotel rooms in the last few months.

A typical cheap hotel in Korea is called a love motel. Most young people in Korea live with their parents until they marry, so if they want to have a night away, you know for board games and pizza with friends, they go to love motels. They're called love motels because everyone loves how cheap they are. Right? Right.

There are two types of rooms available: with beds and without. With beds, there is obviously a bed in the room. Without means that you sleep Korea-style, on thick blankets on the floor. This is not as uncomfortable as you may think, as you can pile many blankets on top of each other. The room usually comes with several thicker blankets, regular blankets, and pillows piled in a corner or neatly stacked in cabinet. When ready for bed, you unfold the blankets and lay them on the floor. In the morning, fold them up again nicely, or if you're a jerk, leave them as is.




Love motels can be incredibly cheap. The one pictured above ran us 25,000 (~$23) a night. With two rooms and five people, it was 10,000 (~$9) per person per night. Not bad. This one wasn't very nice, so it was cheaper. In Seoul I stayed at a very nice love motel which included bathrobes, a ceiling shower, and five different Korean porn channels on the tv. However, since it was nicer, it was 90,000 (~$80) a night.

Ooooh, fancy!

Hey, look! It came with a roommate, too!

The downside to these cheap motels is that they can be a little sketchy. Don't explore the room too much, you may regret it. Some have fun themes. The one I stayed in my first week had glow in the dark halls, which you may remember from my first blog post... Below are pictures of what a typical love motel looks like.

 

So if you ever come to Korea and need a cheap place to stay, because god knows I'm not going to host you, find yourself a love motel and save a little money.

Wtf, kid?

Bill Cosby had a show about kids saying the darndest things. Spending seven hours a day around kids, I can tell you that kids don't say cute and charming things, they say some pretty strange things. I started keeping a small notebook with me so I could write them down. Here are a few of my favorites.

Soul: America people are like pig.
Me: Why?
Soul: Because they like food.
Me: Do Korean people not like food?
Soul: (no answer)

Me: Monkey, what happened to your face?
Monkey: I got into a fight.
Me: With who?
Monkey: A tree.
Me: Who won?
Monkey: The tree...

"My mom has a magic hole! I want it!"
The Magic Hole is a Korean cell phone

Diary entry:
"Today we go to rectum. And we help my fathers work. First, clean. Second, fold a box. Third, put in oranges."
I think her father works in a store. At least I hope so.

Me: Good try, Cloe, but this could use a little help.
Cloe: But...but...I'm pretty.

Following a conversation about boyfriends and girlfriends
Julie: Teacher, my school teacher is Neil, from Ireland. I like him. He's good.
Me: Oh, does he have a girlfriend?
Julie: No, he has a boyfriend!!
Me: A boyfriend?
Julie: Yeah, he has black color skin and he's tall!
Me: How tall?
Julie, jumping out of her chair to show me: Two meters!
This conversation was surprising because being gay is mostly not okay in Korea. Some of my students tell me that gay people are evil and have mental defects. Seriously.

Me: Can anyone tell me a type of nut?
Students: Peanut! Chestnut!
Julie: Donut.
Me: *high five*

Boy, singing: Hallelujah, it's raining...
Me: Men?

Holding pieces of paper with this written:
I am fool ------>
I am crazy <------

After smacking another guy on the butt
Jang: He saw my panties! Did you see my panties color?
MJ: Blue? White?
Jang: Pink!

"Teacher, your body is very big, but your face is so small!"

Following a conversation about a very skinny boy in class
*Rapid Korean, my name interjected often*
Me: What are you talking about?
Class: Your face. We are talking about how faces look different when skinny.
Me: ....
Class: Your face is pretty.
Me: But only if I were skinny?
Class: *too long of a pause*....no! Of course not!
Me: I hate you. I hate you all.

Kevin: There is a bad smell.
Me: *subtly sniffs armpit*
Billy: Teacher, you have good smell!

Euddum: *stares intensely at me* Teacher, your skin is too white, your eyes are too big, your mouth is too small, and your nose is too small.
Me: Thanks?
Euddum: I want.

"On the cunt of three..."

Why I really want a freaking dryer right about now

I need to be packed for China in fewer than 24 hours, yet I won't have dry clothes. I washed a load this morning, and set it out on the rack, leaving my heat on while I was at work. I came back tonight and not even the t-shirts are dry. I feel I'm going to be sitting on my floor with a hairdryer at 4am tomorrow while I desperately try to get the clothes dry enough to pack.

Many Koreans do without dryers. In the beginning this was a-okay with me, since I'm a fan of air-drying. My apartment came with a good sized drying rack, and just enough room in the back patio area for it to be set up. With the summer sun and large window, my clothes dried within a day. However, 'summer' came. I use quotes because in my mind, rain doesn't happen in summer. Every other day of the year, yes. For weeks at a time? Yes. With darkness and gloom? Boy, I miss it. But it does not rain in July and August. Those are the vitamin D days. Not so in Korea. Summer is rainy season. And that brings moisture and humidity. Drying started to take longer. And longer.

The weather cooled down for a pleasant autumn. I thoroughly enjoyed all three weeks of our beautiful fall weather. Drying time was down to a respectable amount of time. Then 'winter' came. The quotes are used this time to allow the reader to know this is not winter. It's living in an ice cube tray. Clothes don't dry, they freeze. I put a load in this afternoon before leaving for work and came home to find it in a frozen lump in the bottom of the washer. I had to move my drying rack to my main room because my clothes would take three or more days to dry. Now, if I need to get to my dresser, I move the rack. Then when I want to go to bed, I move the rack again.

Cozy, right?

In the main room, with the heat on, they dry within two days. This still takes careful forethought, planning for what clothes will be needed in the upcoming week. I don't do that. Because it is such a hassle, I wait until my laundry basket is full and cram it all in the washer, sometimes not even bothering to sort darks and lights. Sometimes my lack of planning results in my having to do two loads, which is too many clothes for the rack to handle. Then it looks like my closet has thrown up all over the walls because I need to hang things from hooks.

When my parents came to visit, their hotel had a dryer. I did not take advantage of it and am kicking myself. I wonder if the desk staff would notice if I just went in now and used it. Maybe they'd think I'm a guest. With that dryer, I could rule the world. Warm, fluffy clothes can do a lot for a person.

Korean Peculiarities: Frozen Pipes

For the second time this winter, I have no hot water. Literally, no water. Turning the faucet to the cold side gives me icy water, but as soon as I inch it over to hot, nothing. The water stops flowing. Sometimes a few drops will sputter out, but generally no water. This is strange for two reasons. Firstly, Korea uses ondal heating, which is a system of hot water pipes crisscrossing under the floor. This hot water works. At least I have heat. Secondly, the cold water is still flowing though the pipe to my faucet. How is only the hot water pipe frozen? I would think that would remain unfrozen longer than the cold water pipe.

Frozen pipes are sadly common. At any given time, I generally have at least one friend without heat. My co-teacher was without for nearly three weeks. Night temperatures can be as low as -20 degrees Celsius (-4F) and it hasn't really been above freezing for a while. Logically, a country with cold winters would insulate pipes, in order to prevent freezing. But not Korea. One more time for emphasis: Korea does not insulate their pipes. The last time my hot water wasn't working, my boss came to fix it because the wait list for a repairman was more than a week.

We find ways to do without. We bum off our friends. I could shower at the gym, but given that I won't even wear shorts, public nudity is not an option. So instead I leave the comfort of my apartment and walk to a friend's place, which is forever away when you're freshly showered and walking in the cold. Pajama parties are coming back into fashion. And my favorite coping method is the Whore's Bath, also known as a gas station shower or a sink shower. Now that I've learned the term 'whore's bath,' I find every opportunity to use it.

Korean Peculiarities: Slippery Sidewalks

Korea is wet for roughly 4-6 months of the year. There is an average of 44.6 inches of precipitation a year in Daejeon, which is about seven inches more than Portland. July is the wettest month, with just over 9 inches of rain. Korean summer rain is not like Portland rain. Portland drizzles, conserving water to make an entire week miserable. Korea streamlines this process and uses the same amount of water in an afternoon. I stay drier in the shower. Umbrellas are helpful, but your pants and shoes still get soaked.

Winter has snow and ice. This snow and ice is also different than home. It's dry, powdery snow. Useless for snowballs, but fun to kick around. Since it's fairly cold and Koreans care so little about playing in the snow that two weeks after the initial snowfall, I can still find clean snow to jump around in.

Now you're educated on Korean precipitation. Korea = generally wet weather. Please take a minute and pretend you are a city planner presented with the task of choosing a proper sidewalk design and appropriate materials. Concrete? Brick? Maybe the cushy crushed up tires? Certainly not granite or any other slick material, right?

Wrong. Meet your doom.

It's lovely to look at, but deadly as soon as any moisture is introduced. Or even without proper treaded shoes in dry weather. Perhaps this is the origin of the Korean Shuffle Walk.

It's not uncommon to see people slipping on the street. Korean women's shoes are very cute and fun, but none too practical on slick sidewalks. I have flailed about a bit, but have yet to fall. It snowed again today and earlier I tried to walk into a restaurant only to find I couldn't make it up the slight incline to the door. After several embarrassing attempts, I finally made it to the steep metal ramp in front of the door. Then I struggled again. In the end, I just jumped up to the top of the ramp and in through the door.

The sidewalks have been iced for weeks now, the layer growing thicker with each new snowfall. I'm taking bets on how thick it will get before Spring time. My guess is a solid two, maybe three inches. Hopefully I won't fall on my ass. I'm sure I will, though. With these slippery sidewalks, it's inevitable.

Don't Talk to Me

Being a generally introverted person and all around awkward, I hate speaking to strangers. In any country and any language. Small talk makes me uncomfortable. The idea of a long elevator ride makes me panic and anything more than a passive 'thank you' to someone holding the door is just too much. It's a lot of pressure. Back at home, I don't have to do much to avoid talking to strangers. However, in Korea it's obvious that I am here to teach English, so why wouldn't I want to continue doing so in my free time? In social situations, like out at bars or on group excursions, I don't mind. But when I am shopping, on the subway, or walking around, leave me alone.

Teachers will often employ a few tactics to avoid being used for English practice.

Defense 1: MP3 player. Earbuds/massive headphones firmly in place, all noises can be blocked. Even if the volume isn't loud enough to drown out surrounding voices, earbuds send a clear signal that you are not to be disturbed.

Defense 2: Hiding behind a book. We're antisocial and well read.

Defense 3: Sunglasses or eye avoidance. If they can't meet your eyes, there's no way they can start a conversation, right?

Defense 4: Anger. No one wants to talk to someone who looks like they're ready to throw a punch.

While these methods are usually effective, some persistent people get through the cracks. I was once trapped talking to a middle schooler for 30 minutes on the subway. James spoke almost fluent English, but remember that I'm not friendly. He noticed me the second I stepped on the subway. He crossed the car and sat across from me and I continued to avoid eye contact. I had earbuds and my book, but I could see him staring at me in the corner of my eye. He then moved to the empty seat next to me, turning his body to face me. I pretended to be engrossed in my book. Moments later, he started talking to me, loud enough to ensure I could hear him over my music. I sighed and took out an earbud. There was no going back.

Strangely, we were both twins and he went to the same Taekwondo academy as my ex-coteacher. Our topics included school, sports, my insomnia, his gnarled fingernails, and my parents' upcoming visit. He then made an assumption. I paused for a moment then started to correct him. But then I thought better. So in one of my most shining Korean moments, I let him believe.

James: Where will you and your boyfriend take them?
Me: *pause* Oh, you know. *pause* Seoul, and mostly Daejeon. My mother isn't able to travel much.
James: They must be excited to meet your boyfriend.
Me (still hesitant): Ooooh, yes.
James: Where does he work?
Me (by this time I'm more comfortable with my lie): Oh, Mike works in a hagwon in Dunsan-dong. I don't remember the name. We don't talk much about work.
James: He sounds like a nice guy.
Me: Oh, yes he is.

Oh, the lies. If I start a sentence with 'oh' I may be lying. James was a nice boy, and I promised that if I ever saw him around Noeun, I'd say hello. He was probably the best unwanted conversation I've had here, but I'm pretty good at avoiding speaking unless absolutely necessary. Many days I don't speak outside of work, except for broken Korean when picking up dinner, which doesn't bother me a bit.

Perhaps some day I'll be friendly and be more willing to talk to strangers. But I don't think that will happen anytime soon.