Wtf, kid?

Bill Cosby had a show about kids saying the darndest things. Spending seven hours a day around kids, I can tell you that kids don't say cute and charming things, they say some pretty strange things. I started keeping a small notebook with me so I could write them down. Here are a few of my favorites.

Soul: America people are like pig.
Me: Why?
Soul: Because they like food.
Me: Do Korean people not like food?
Soul: (no answer)

Me: Monkey, what happened to your face?
Monkey: I got into a fight.
Me: With who?
Monkey: A tree.
Me: Who won?
Monkey: The tree...

"My mom has a magic hole! I want it!"
The Magic Hole is a Korean cell phone

Diary entry:
"Today we go to rectum. And we help my fathers work. First, clean. Second, fold a box. Third, put in oranges."
I think her father works in a store. At least I hope so.

Me: Good try, Cloe, but this could use a little help.
Cloe: But...but...I'm pretty.

Following a conversation about boyfriends and girlfriends
Julie: Teacher, my school teacher is Neil, from Ireland. I like him. He's good.
Me: Oh, does he have a girlfriend?
Julie: No, he has a boyfriend!!
Me: A boyfriend?
Julie: Yeah, he has black color skin and he's tall!
Me: How tall?
Julie, jumping out of her chair to show me: Two meters!
This conversation was surprising because being gay is mostly not okay in Korea. Some of my students tell me that gay people are evil and have mental defects. Seriously.

Me: Can anyone tell me a type of nut?
Students: Peanut! Chestnut!
Julie: Donut.
Me: *high five*

Boy, singing: Hallelujah, it's raining...
Me: Men?

Holding pieces of paper with this written:
I am fool ------>
I am crazy <------

After smacking another guy on the butt
Jang: He saw my panties! Did you see my panties color?
MJ: Blue? White?
Jang: Pink!

"Teacher, your body is very big, but your face is so small!"

Following a conversation about a very skinny boy in class
*Rapid Korean, my name interjected often*
Me: What are you talking about?
Class: Your face. We are talking about how faces look different when skinny.
Me: ....
Class: Your face is pretty.
Me: But only if I were skinny?
Class: *too long of a pause*....no! Of course not!
Me: I hate you. I hate you all.

Kevin: There is a bad smell.
Me: *subtly sniffs armpit*
Billy: Teacher, you have good smell!

Euddum: *stares intensely at me* Teacher, your skin is too white, your eyes are too big, your mouth is too small, and your nose is too small.
Me: Thanks?
Euddum: I want.

"On the cunt of three..."